Documentaries always seem to move me more than actual movies. I recently watched Slumdog Millionaire and while I did cry, it doesn't seem nearly as impressive as Milk's story.
It really amazes me how someone with absolutely no experience in public office can be driven by sheer passion and conviction of beliefs. A gay camera store owner? In the 70's? I am blown away by how much he has done for gay history.
People like Dan White scare me. Scratch that---they don't scare me. They make me very, very angry. It boggles my mind to think that there are people my age who still think and condemn people in this way. What an ignorant, whiny bastard. I'm glad he killed himself. I'm even happier that the gay community didn't bat a fake eyelash and give his death any importance. What a loser.
I never understood the stigma which has been set upon gay people. When i was growing up, my grandfather had a gay cook and he was always treated like family. His name was Ben. My mother's family worked in the movie industry and we had gay men and women going in and out of the house all the time. I never really thought twice about their sexual orientation until i was in my teens. I actually thought it was normal.
It was only when i went to Montessori and Woodrose that this discrepancy in sex was made so glaringly obvious. (I'm going to have to attribute it to Alabang culture because you know...they're like hicks over there). My guy friends who were slightly more refined and had a highly cultivated curiosity for all things "bad" or women-oriented were labeled gay. Just because they didn't start fights or chase skirts, it made them gay? and who the hell gave these macho boys the power to define sexuality?
Strangely enough, the boys who were ladies men or war freaks are now the ones whose sexuality i do question. One of them is actually a congressman in Manila. he's rumored to invite young boys to his beach house under the pretext of a "guys only" weekend. The he puts in porn and asks everyone to sit in a circle to jack off. If i'm not mistaken, he even asks some of them to give him hand jobs. I don't know if the guy telling me the story actually did it but how messed up is that? And it's not like the boys can do anything being stuck in the middle of nowhere surrounded by bodyguards. After all...this is Manila we are talking about. Who knows what this guy can do? Oh yeah...and all this is happening while his wife is X-months pregnant. it's probably the biggest open secret yet society thinks its acceptable because: 1) he's white. 2.) he's in a position of power. 3) he doesn't look like a perv and 4) he provides for his wife and child so that doesn't make him a bad person, right? So he's not gay. He's just on the down low. That also just makes him one of the biggest hypocrites in Manila. Don't count on my vote when you run for public office, buddy.
I cannot imagine a world without gay people. Most of the people i admire, respect and hold closest to my heart are gay. When my friends tell me they are gay, i have one of two reactions: "so what?" or "OMG!! I'm thrilled to death for you!!"
I think i used the "so what" response a lot when i was much younger---probably from my teens to when i was 20. i think i just didn't realize at that time how important it was for someone to come out. I took it for granted because hey, it didn't matter what their sexual orientation was---they were still the same people to me. It was only when I started REALLY listening to their stories that I realized what a stressful lives they led. These were great, amazing people and to find out that they were living in fear just about killed me.
An old friend of mine who I hadn't spoken to since high school recently told me he was getting a sex change. I remember being so elated and happy for him. I never would have guessed that he had any inclinations to even liking the same sex. When i asked her why she opened up to me now, she said, "Well I spoke to so and so and this person told me, 'Dara? ok lang yan. nothing shocks her.'" How odd. why would it shock me? Just because they changed their outside doesn't mean they aren't the same people. It certainly doesn't make them bad people---what could possibly be so wrong about wanting to live life in the truest sense of the word? Who are we to deprive someone of being themselves?
Being gay isn't a choice. I truly believe it is genetic. I have been asked and offered countless times to have sex and make out with girls---and I have always been open to that idea. One day, the opportunity actually presented itself and I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I knew then I was straighter than a ruler. Even if I am still open to the experience now, I highly doubt it will ever happen. It's just not me. And I did try.
But then again...who knows?
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